Regret
by Hopeful Scribbler
Summary: Post: FAULT: EO relationship what happened after the last five minutes of Fault


The wind was blowing lightly as Olivia left the bitter warmth of the 1-6 to her apartment. She needed to walk, to think about today; as if she hadn't done that enough. She hadn't talked to Elliot since the incident at hospital. What he didn't know is that she almost spilled her heart out, she was close, but she caught herself before she let the words slip. Those very same three words that she had been so hesitant to even think about for seven and a half years, until today. Until the day that she almost lost him.

Elliot's separation from Kathy was the final straw in her and Elliot's long list of excuses as to why they couldn't be more than friends. Even this conviction, this assurance of wills that Elliot has made has given Olivia doubts. _What if our relationship got rough, just like our friendship does sometimes and he decided to go back to Kathy? What would it be worth than? We could never be friends after that!_

Turning onto Seventh street towards the subway station, she began to analyze what exactly Elliot meant by the last words he had uttered to her in the hospital that afternoon. _"We both chose each other over the job today. If we keep letting our personal feelings interfere, I don't think we can be partners anymore." _The words echoed in her mind like a foghorn, her brain reeling at the meaning behind them. _Does this mean he loves me too? Or does this mean, he too (like all men), can't stand to look at me anymore? _She didn't for once; regret her decision, making the request for a new partner. She figured, regardless of his feelings for her, be they good or bad, they definitely needed some time apart. The Captain tried to convince her otherwise, but she stayed firm.

Olivia decided to take a detour when she saw the bright neon lights of O'Malley's ahead. She quickened her step, and sighed when she got to the door._ A drink sounds like a good idea; maybe it will stop all these stupid questions, leave me to silence for once. _Olivia walked in, and sat down at the front, on a wobbly bar stool. "A Heineken, please, just the bottle." She dropped her head in her hands and sighed again.

When the bartender came back with her beer, her phone began to ring and vibrate at the same time. "Damn, it's probably Elliot." She looked and the bartender and smiled. "Thanks." Pulling out her phone, she wrinkled her brown in confusion at the number.

"No problem, lady." He replied, before returning to cleaning the glasses at the counter.

She flipped her cell open, "Benson."

"Olivia, it's Fin."

"Oh, hey. I didn't recognize your number, you at home?"

"Nah, I'm at John's. Listen, I called to warn you."

Olivia raised a skeptic brow at his admission of where he was, but she didn't ask. "What's wrong? Is Rebecca okay?"

The man on the other end gave a nervous laugh. "Nah, it's nothing like that. It's Elliot. He's out looking for you. Cap'n just told him your request for a change in side-kicks. He's pretty pissed."

Frowning, Olivia wondered, "How'd you find out about that?" She took a long chug of her beer, fiddling with the rim once she set it down. She felt the warmth of the liquid slide down her throat and into her bloodstream. Just what she needed after a day of her blood running ice cold; if a certain someone couldn't keep her warm, a good Heineken would.

She heard her co-worker laugh bitterly, and she waited for his excuse. "Elliot let everyone in the building know, Olivia. He was ticked after the Cap'n took him in his office. He was ranting and raving about some argument at the hospital."

"Oh, god. He probably knows where I am too." She wiped a shaky hand over her face, and for the fifth time that night, she sighed. "Okay, thanks for the heads up, Fin."

"Be careful, Olivia. He wasn't the same when he left. Who knows what that boy's up to."

"Noted."

Closing her phone, she looked at the last quarter of her beer, and frowned. She had no idea she had drunk that much. Quickly, she began to feel the effects of the alcohol slowly seeping through her body. Her muscles relaxed, but her mind did not.

Frustrated with the entire day's events, she threw a five on the counter and shouted thanks. She walked out the front door and out into the night. _Maybe he thinks I've gone home. I might as well._

As she was rounding another corner though, she heard the familiar stride, and soon his anxious shout. "Liv! Olivia, please."

Her jaw set, and she stopped. She rolled her eyes as she turned. "What the hell do you want, Stabler?" The second that came out of her mouth, she regret every inflection, every word spoken. His eyes were red and puffy, and his clothes were wrinkled. She relaxed her posture and looked at him worriedly. "El?" She whispered. "What's wrong?"

He kept walking towards her. Closer, and closer; until he was just inches away. His eyes bore down on hers, and she shivered involuntarily. He noticed, and brought his hand up, as if to touch her cheek, but it slowly retreated back to his side. He couldn't touch her, not yet. Not without- "Us." His voice was rough and husky, almost like he had a cold, but it was full of emotion, rather than phlegm.

Her bottom lip and her nose quivered into a popular "Olivia look" and she looked at him questioningly. "Excuse me?" She took a safe step back, needed fresh air.

This time, Elliot wasn't hesitant to touch her. Her lip stopped quivering; in fact, her heart seemed to have stopped beating as well. He placed a surprisingly steady hand on her cheek, his thumb rubbing gently on her bone. "We aren't right. We have too many regrets about today, about our entire seven years together. We need to let go, and forgive each other. Even if there isn't anything to forgive, so we can start over."

The quivering was back in full speed. Her eyes stung, and before she knew it, she had tears streaming down her face. "Oh, Elliot." Her voice was soft, heavy with mix emotions. "It's not you I need to forgive, it's myself. You understand that I couldn't pull that trigger, don't you? But if I hadn't been such an idiot at the train station-"

He smiled his gleaming grin, and wiped the tears away. " Shhsh. It's not your fault. I'm sorry for what I said this afternoon and yesterday, I didn't mean any of it. There's no excuse for how I treated you, but I as well, don't regret what I did at the train station. I wish I could have saved the both of you, but if I did have to choose, I would always choose you. I can't not choose you." Elliot couldn't help it, he gathered her to his chest, and wrapped her in his arms. Bringing his mouth to her ear, he kissed it and said, "Forgive me."

Olivia sighed in contentment, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling away to see his face, then close her eyes as she laid her head on his shoulder again, whispering " always."

Not complete…if you like..


End file.
